STUDENT PILOTS GLOSSARY
                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A & P RATING -- Enables you to fly grocery supplies.

AIRFOILS -- Swords used for dueling in flight.

AIRSTRIP -- In-flight performance by exotic flight attendant.

AUTOMATIC DIRECTION FINDER -- Flight instructor.

AUTOPILOT -- Person who flunks his checkride.

BANK -- Owns most of your airplane.

CAGED GYRO -- Not much more docile than wild gyro.

CAGING THE GYRO -- Not too difficult with domestic species.

CARBURETOR ICING -- Usually vanilla.

CESSNA 310 -- More than the sum of two Cessna 150s.

CHOCKS -- Piece of wood lineperson slips in front of wheel while pilot is not
          looking.

CLEAR THE PROP -- Procedure necessary when taking the propeller from U.S. to
                  Mexico.

COCKPIT -- Area where chicken pilots are kept.

DE-ICER -- De person dat puts de ice on de wing.

DIVE -- Pilot's lounge.

DOWNWIND LEG -- When woman is standing sideways to wind, skirt will be lower on
                this leg.

DRAG -- Something all planes go in.

EIGHT-POINT ROLL -- A prickly pastry.

ELEVATOR -- Device that raises runway, thus preventing pilots from "dropping it
            in".

FAR -- Opposite of NEAR.

FINAL APPROACH -- Last pass pilot makes at opposite sex before giving up.

FIXED BASE OPERATOR -- Aircraft dealer after vasectomy.

FLAPS -- Birds do it, but not recommended for fixed-wing aircraft.

FLIGHT SERVICE STATION -- Place where you gas up.

FLYING BY THE SEAT OF YOUR PANTS -- Easier than flying by night.

GROSS WEIGHT -- 350-pound pilot.

HEATED AIR MASS -- Usually found near hangar and flight lounge.

HIGH-TIME PILOTS -- See "taildragger", below.

HOOD TIME -- Time used by gangs of juvenile delinquents.

HOT PILOT -- Sometimes associated with warm fronts.

KNOTS -- What stalls do to stomachs.

LAZY EIGHT -- Well-known fly-in resort ranch.

LOOP -- Prominent landmark associated with interstates.

MAYDAY -- May not be a sunny day.

NOSEWHEEL -- Device sometimes bent by pilot.

180-DEGREE TURN -- Due to the pilot's ego, sometimes a most difficult maneuver
                   to perform.

PILOT CENTER -- Usually found right in middle of pilot unless loaded
                incorrectly.

PILOTAGE -- Over 16.

PILOT'S NOSE -- Usually bent just after nosewheel.

PIPER CHEROKEE -- Flying Indian musician.

PLOTTER -- Fixed base operator who connives to keep prices up.

PROPELLER -- Fan that keeps pilot cool -- turn it off and watch pilot sweat.

PROP WASH -- Pilot's equivalent of "hogwash".

RIGHT-OF-WAY -- Better than the military way.

ROGER -- Most popular name in radio.

RPM -- Initials of large corporation that builds tachometers.

RUNWAY -- Place where exotic flight attendant starts airstrip.

SHORT FIELD TAKEOFF -- Any takeoff from a field less than 5,000 feet long.

SKYJACK -- Device for changing tires in flight.

SLIP -- Apparel worn by some pilots.

SLOW FLIGHT -- Flight that lasts beyond bladder limits.

SPIN -- Once around the pattern.

STALL -- Place where airplane is kept.

S-TURN -- Course flown by student pilot from point A to point B.

SUPERCHARGER -- Pilot with wallet full of credit cards.

SWEAT -- Liquid that flows in direct proportion to the intensity of crosswind,
         size of thunderstorm, and/or amount of carburetor ice.

TAILDRAGGER -- Pilot who lost bout with bottle last night.

THERMAL -- Student pilot's description of a container for hot coffee.

VOR -- Unique radio station which makes a needle dance around the face of an
       instrument.

WAC CHART -- Map showing female army bases.

WIND SOCK -- What a gusty crosswind does to student pilot's plane.

Z-MARKERS -- Indicators found at ze station location.

ZULU TIME -- Used by African pilots.